Be Furious and Notice the Sunshine
Every morning, after checking email and Facebook, while slowly sipping the last of the magical happy juice in my coffee mug, I try to make a gratitude list. This practice, along with a somewhat pathetic attempt at meditation, is one of the things I have added to my life in the past year in an effort to become less anxious, more accepting and open, aka happier.
I think sometimes we misunderstand this idea of gratitude. We treat it like disciplining a disobedient puppy. Feeling unhappy? Bad, bad, unhappy! Who are you to feel bad when you have so much? You should be grateful!
Are you annoyed about that parking ticket? Instead you should be grateful you have a car. Mad at your mother in law for that insensitive comment? Shame on you, at least you have family! And if you are a parent, forget it! God forbid you complain for even a second about the whining of your toddler. Nooo, appreciate the moment. It goes by so fast. Kids are so precious and wonderful.
Fuck that, your kid is being an asshole!
And also, precious and wonderful.
The thing is we seem to have gotten this false idea into our heads that gratitude=guilt, that having things in our life we are thankful for means that we aren't also allowed to be incredibly pissed off from time to time. In other words, we use it to make us feel bad for feeling bad.
Don't do that! Bad brain. Bad, bad brain!
If there is one thing that this past month and a half has taught me, it is that it is fully possible to feel two completely opposite emotions at exactly the same time. It is possible to be both terrified and overjoyed, to be depressed and excited, to be angry and appreciative. And yes, it is not just possible, but fully natural and normal, to be completely miserable and still have gratitude.
Along with accepting that multiple emotions can exist at once, it is important to let go of this pressure to always find big, dramatic things to be grateful for. For example, here are some of the things that are on my list this morning:
Coffee (no shocker there)
Blankets
Birds chirping
Sunshine
My laptop
The color of my nail polish
My dog snoring
Yes, in addition to seeing ghosts, my dog also snores.
And yes, I did write the color of my nail polish. It is a really pretty lavender color. I painted them myself. Go ahead and judge if you want.
Of course I also included friends and family and my health but the point is that sometimes the thing that makes you happy is a new shirt and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
You see, here's the catch. Once you start looking for these little things you find that they are absolutely everywhere. In your kitchen (did I mention there is coffee in there). On your street. The hot water in your shower.. A cute hairstyle. Your kid finding a quiet game to play...alone. Comfy shoes. Hugs. And before you start rolling your eyes, remember I am not saying to ignore all the ways that life truly sucks right now. Nope, you gotta embrace those too. Scream, cry, laugh, exhale. One life, multiple emotions.
Don't worry, I am not going to end this post by saying you all should go make a list of all of the things you are grateful for. You got out of bed and fed your whiny kid some cereal; that's plenty for now. I just wanted to let you off the hook a little, to give you permission to find some joy, even in the tiniest of things, even while the world is burning.
Be furious and notice the sunshine.
P.S.
I think sometimes we misunderstand this idea of gratitude. We treat it like disciplining a disobedient puppy. Feeling unhappy? Bad, bad, unhappy! Who are you to feel bad when you have so much? You should be grateful!
Are you annoyed about that parking ticket? Instead you should be grateful you have a car. Mad at your mother in law for that insensitive comment? Shame on you, at least you have family! And if you are a parent, forget it! God forbid you complain for even a second about the whining of your toddler. Nooo, appreciate the moment. It goes by so fast. Kids are so precious and wonderful.
Fuck that, your kid is being an asshole!
And also, precious and wonderful.
The thing is we seem to have gotten this false idea into our heads that gratitude=guilt, that having things in our life we are thankful for means that we aren't also allowed to be incredibly pissed off from time to time. In other words, we use it to make us feel bad for feeling bad.
Don't do that! Bad brain. Bad, bad brain!
If there is one thing that this past month and a half has taught me, it is that it is fully possible to feel two completely opposite emotions at exactly the same time. It is possible to be both terrified and overjoyed, to be depressed and excited, to be angry and appreciative. And yes, it is not just possible, but fully natural and normal, to be completely miserable and still have gratitude.
Along with accepting that multiple emotions can exist at once, it is important to let go of this pressure to always find big, dramatic things to be grateful for. For example, here are some of the things that are on my list this morning:
Coffee (no shocker there)
Blankets
Birds chirping
Sunshine
My laptop
The color of my nail polish
My dog snoring
Yes, in addition to seeing ghosts, my dog also snores.
And yes, I did write the color of my nail polish. It is a really pretty lavender color. I painted them myself. Go ahead and judge if you want.
Of course I also included friends and family and my health but the point is that sometimes the thing that makes you happy is a new shirt and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
You see, here's the catch. Once you start looking for these little things you find that they are absolutely everywhere. In your kitchen (did I mention there is coffee in there). On your street. The hot water in your shower.. A cute hairstyle. Your kid finding a quiet game to play...alone. Comfy shoes. Hugs. And before you start rolling your eyes, remember I am not saying to ignore all the ways that life truly sucks right now. Nope, you gotta embrace those too. Scream, cry, laugh, exhale. One life, multiple emotions.
Don't worry, I am not going to end this post by saying you all should go make a list of all of the things you are grateful for. You got out of bed and fed your whiny kid some cereal; that's plenty for now. I just wanted to let you off the hook a little, to give you permission to find some joy, even in the tiniest of things, even while the world is burning.
Be furious and notice the sunshine.
P.S.
It's nice, right??
Come on you know you like it. 😃
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